July 1, 2012

Happy Canada day :)
What a bad day i'm having!
Well i'm just so hot headed right now like I don't wanna do anything, trying to lighten up abit for tonight.
I shall reveal my main issue of my madness. I gained weight. I was fine with going along wth people and saying ok i'll eat and stuff that was fine BUT! I'm 131lbs currently. I was fine being under 130lbs and I feel very large right now. I don't feel cmfortable in my skin. Not that I ever had but like I feeel gross and fat and theres fat everywhere.
I feell that me wearing a bikini will be completely appauling to people around me and like I don't want to make people sick on their vacay by looking at a fat girl in a bikini. Right? it's just wrong.
Sooo i'm giving up ice cream. I'm completely stopping eating it until at least 'm back from toronto.  I can't just say oh i'll have alittle bit no. It has to be 100% gone. So unfortunately me being lazy and gaining weight has caused this so I have to deal with the consequences.
Other than that Ihave the eating disorder coming back full swing. So i'm telling myself to not eat. Becauseeeeeright now what i've been doing was eating everytime I could so I wouldnt feeel hungry. I haven't felt a hunger pain in at least 2-3 weeks and I need to feel it. I want food but I don't need it. so i'll eat again now when I feel starving :) I ate fries at like 1 today and havent had anything since but like i'm sre i'll end up eating something later LOL guarentee.
Oh and Bo had a seizure today,broke my heart. We were out and about to getziggys fries and he just lied down and couldn't move and he was trying so hard to get in my arms so I could hold him :( And these two nice young lads came oveer and ran to tims and got him water and rubbed it all over his face and body :) He finally snapped out of it and it made me sooo happy to see people to come to our help to help bo :) And we seen them around and they poped over to see how he was doing, god love em! poor babes is tuckered right out now! hahah
Anddddd another thing! 9 days till I head off the island! Sooo excited! toronto here I come! Going to be fun :) Going to miss bo and penelope and pashimina! Hope I don't freak out too much :P Going to be hitting the extreme rides, maybe some bunge jumping? Yeah budddyy!
Well i'm all calmed down now  :) Sweatin' but calm ok tmi but whatever I shall lay down no limits to my rants!
I'll try and post here bit more this coming week before I heads off!
Ciao!!!!!!!