Last day of january! And january...has it ever been a crazy month! I got a gf, had a major tantrum ( like 5 mins ago) well and it's continuing into this very minute.. ( prepare for a ranting blog) Anddd I'm officially on medical leave for nursing. Fucking wonderful.
Shall i start with negative and end with positive? Sounds pretty good to me
Ok the leave for nursing I had to take it to save my pathetic ass from failing out of nursing school because i'm a dumb fuck. Like seriously i'm sure very god damn person in my class has some sort of problem but they didn't have to leave school for a year to "get better". Like who gives a god damn fuck if I want to starve myself, or harm myself. I'm broken and there is no point in trying to fix me. I know people were legit worried about me, but they don't have to be, I'm just your normal everyday fuck up who gets swept under the rug like everybody else. Like seriously who would want me caring for them? An unstable inexperienced youngster. Who will really want me back in the program...? Seriously
As for now? I have to find a place desperate enough to hire anybody, I'm sure a Bum would get priority over me because they are wiser and more stable minded. AHHHHH just a bad friggin moood.
I don't get why all these emotions have to come at me all at once. Like could you spread it out abit... I legit tried to make myself passout, but I didn't do it right. Going right back to how i'm not smart enough to be in nursing, because i couldn't find the right coronary arterys to block off blood flow to my brain. I'm going to sit my arse on my bed for abit and have nothing around me so I don't have the urge to stab myself with it. Like I wanna just start stabbing needles into my wrist for no god damn reason, and I want to smack my head off the wall a couple of times. Why? Beats me I'm upset? I also thought about taking the hard end of the dogs brush and just scraping myself with it or beating the top of my leg. Soo for the sake of my newfound relationship I won't.
As for my GF. She is amazing, pretty, beautiful, different, and gorgeous! She is absolutely the most amazing girl I have ever met :) I've only known her for a week or 2 and she's got me falling head over heels for her. I truly Really like her. Now i'm not going as far as to say I love her, because I obviously can't feel that strong of a connection to a person right away :) But I think that with the strength of each other we can get each other through the bad times :) I hope anyhow! I had to give her a break at the moment because we've had an intense conversation earlyier and I don't feel the need to overwhelm her with my feelings right now this early in the relationship :)
Well I think i've said what needed to be said :) For now anyhow!
Cheers :)
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
January 24 2012 !
Hey!!!
Well back again! And in a very delightful mood, if I do say so myself!
Why you may ask ( or not but what odds :P) I have met somebody :)
Yupp off a online dating site. Hanna :)
Well we had our first get together yesterday! At a subway..while she worked :P She made me a sub, how romantic eh? hahahah jp! Well we had such a short but fun time that she agreed that we need to hang again. So on Saturday were hanging out for a few more hours :D Yippi!!!!!!!!
Overjoyed, I can't remember the last time I had the butterflies to meet someone again. She is actually the most down to earth person I've ever met and like we totally just clicked...I think so anyhow! Soo hopefully everything works out between us both!!! Were only classified as first-met strangers as of now, but I feel a growth in the relationship sometime soon :) Even if it's friends thats totally cool with me. So happy to have such an amazing girl welcomed into my life!
Well ain't this all mushy gushy today!
Expect more of these from now on! :)
Bye! Blogger world! xx
Well back again! And in a very delightful mood, if I do say so myself!
Why you may ask ( or not but what odds :P) I have met somebody :)
Yupp off a online dating site. Hanna :)
Well we had our first get together yesterday! At a subway..while she worked :P She made me a sub, how romantic eh? hahahah jp! Well we had such a short but fun time that she agreed that we need to hang again. So on Saturday were hanging out for a few more hours :D Yippi!!!!!!!!
Overjoyed, I can't remember the last time I had the butterflies to meet someone again. She is actually the most down to earth person I've ever met and like we totally just clicked...I think so anyhow! Soo hopefully everything works out between us both!!! Were only classified as first-met strangers as of now, but I feel a growth in the relationship sometime soon :) Even if it's friends thats totally cool with me. So happy to have such an amazing girl welcomed into my life!
Well ain't this all mushy gushy today!
Expect more of these from now on! :)
Bye! Blogger world! xx
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
January 18, 2012
Today will be on a semi positive note!
Even though i'm extremely pissed and sad I will try to enlighten my mood with this very embarrassing pic of myself and my "problem". You'll see! Well, me. Seeing that nobody I know, as of now knows about this blog.
Well here it is!
Yes, yes that is all the bulbs that are going on my Christmas tree. In a very thought out pattern that took me 2 hours to create. Problem? I think so. Hehehe Well that's enough excitement for one night.
Cheers!
Even though i'm extremely pissed and sad I will try to enlighten my mood with this very embarrassing pic of myself and my "problem". You'll see! Well, me. Seeing that nobody I know, as of now knows about this blog.
Yes, yes that is all the bulbs that are going on my Christmas tree. In a very thought out pattern that took me 2 hours to create. Problem? I think so. Hehehe Well that's enough excitement for one night.
Cheers!
Monday, January 16, 2012
January 16, 2012
Hey!
Well haven't bloggered in a while so here goes my rant I suppose.
Not a good day today. Had the eating disorder appt, and stuff. Even though I feel like i'm telling the truth whenever anybody mentions the reallll deep truth I freak out and put my guard up. Like today. Ok yes I know i'm starving myself, I'm purposely trying to hurt myself, trying to make myself so sick that my body can't fight anymore. Why Because I really don't want to be here. Now if I said that I'd just get more attention sent my way, and really I don't want the help. Do I contemplate suicide? Of course, how i'm going to. But I have no set plan, but I know if I ever got a chance I would take it.
And with nursing, I think deep down the only reason i'm in it is so I can learn tricks in the medical system. Like my bp I watch it carefully! If it ever went down I would find another plan, But i'm doing things so slowly that nobody will notice. Now I find everyone's on my case, Like i'm 5'7 1/2 and 128 lbs ok. Fat. If I want to friggin' starve myself who cares. There is 6 billion other people on this earth.
Well enough about not wanting to be here, because i'm still here. Here and scared.
Well nice ending today eh?
Bye folks! (or bye myself)
Well haven't bloggered in a while so here goes my rant I suppose.
Not a good day today. Had the eating disorder appt, and stuff. Even though I feel like i'm telling the truth whenever anybody mentions the reallll deep truth I freak out and put my guard up. Like today. Ok yes I know i'm starving myself, I'm purposely trying to hurt myself, trying to make myself so sick that my body can't fight anymore. Why Because I really don't want to be here. Now if I said that I'd just get more attention sent my way, and really I don't want the help. Do I contemplate suicide? Of course, how i'm going to. But I have no set plan, but I know if I ever got a chance I would take it.
And with nursing, I think deep down the only reason i'm in it is so I can learn tricks in the medical system. Like my bp I watch it carefully! If it ever went down I would find another plan, But i'm doing things so slowly that nobody will notice. Now I find everyone's on my case, Like i'm 5'7 1/2 and 128 lbs ok. Fat. If I want to friggin' starve myself who cares. There is 6 billion other people on this earth.
Well enough about not wanting to be here, because i'm still here. Here and scared.
Well nice ending today eh?
Bye folks! (or bye myself)
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Jan.6, 2012
Hey!!!!!!!!!
Ok this lil blog is in the perception of a non-sober individual. Soo lets start about how my last drinking night for a lonngggg time was!
First me and my bfff went to sirens (strip club) Every1 knows us there. We chatted it up with the dancers...a.k.a strippers, anddddddddd Johnny butler ( if you don't know who he is look him the fuck up!...Newfoundlander vs on youtube :D) Anyways had a grand ol'time there.
Then we tried a few other places... club V- got i'd...shit! Soo then we went to Fat cat! Had the best whiskey sours of our young life! It was a cute lil blues club but since it bored the crap out of my friend we left to go back to sirens.
Heading out we got stopped by 3 self-identifying ontarians. Who though that me being gay and my friends being straight was hot. So they wanted us to hug because it was hot.....losers! We never gave them that enjoyment. But we left as soon as the other dude got all touchy feely with me and said he wished he had a black coat like me...Ha!
So back at sirens we chatted it up with some dudes and mohammad ali (not her real name , but we like it) And had a decent time!!! Went and watched mohammad ali perform and sat right up by the stage!!!! What was hilarious was this guy laid right on down on the stage and held a $5 in his mouth and she came over, lifted up his hoodie...( he was a rather large man...) And legit jumped on his stomach. Funniest shit ever! I think The people around us got a kick out of seeing our expressions...oh my!
Thennnn when we left there and dropped me buddy home I had to get a feed so we went to a pizza place.
When i was about to open the door some pissed off dude kicked it open almost getting me with the door in the process ( he never injured me, only got my nail)...wow what a nice surprise 2am :P Anyways got my slice of pizza, ate it , and here I am writing a very long drunken blog...which I will look back on and god knows what i'll think of it!
Anyways i'm out ciao!!!!! xx
Ok this lil blog is in the perception of a non-sober individual. Soo lets start about how my last drinking night for a lonngggg time was!
First me and my bfff went to sirens (strip club) Every1 knows us there. We chatted it up with the dancers...a.k.a strippers, anddddddddd Johnny butler ( if you don't know who he is look him the fuck up!...Newfoundlander vs on youtube :D) Anyways had a grand ol'time there.
Then we tried a few other places... club V- got i'd...shit! Soo then we went to Fat cat! Had the best whiskey sours of our young life! It was a cute lil blues club but since it bored the crap out of my friend we left to go back to sirens.
Heading out we got stopped by 3 self-identifying ontarians. Who though that me being gay and my friends being straight was hot. So they wanted us to hug because it was hot.....losers! We never gave them that enjoyment. But we left as soon as the other dude got all touchy feely with me and said he wished he had a black coat like me...Ha!
So back at sirens we chatted it up with some dudes and mohammad ali (not her real name , but we like it) And had a decent time!!! Went and watched mohammad ali perform and sat right up by the stage!!!! What was hilarious was this guy laid right on down on the stage and held a $5 in his mouth and she came over, lifted up his hoodie...( he was a rather large man...) And legit jumped on his stomach. Funniest shit ever! I think The people around us got a kick out of seeing our expressions...oh my!
Thennnn when we left there and dropped me buddy home I had to get a feed so we went to a pizza place.
When i was about to open the door some pissed off dude kicked it open almost getting me with the door in the process ( he never injured me, only got my nail)...wow what a nice surprise 2am :P Anyways got my slice of pizza, ate it , and here I am writing a very long drunken blog...which I will look back on and god knows what i'll think of it!
Anyways i'm out ciao!!!!! xx
Monday, January 2, 2012
January 2012
Well Hello my quiet lil blog, nice to meet you again!
I've survived the transition over from 2011 to 2012, Wooooooooooooo!
Anyhow had a pretty good time, and I may as well start off a lil re-cap of the week.
Well friday I was suppose to have a party and no one showed...I won't take it to heart though,
Then On new years eve I hung out with my prom date Ryan. Had a pretty good time!! Despite!!!!!!!!!!! The fact that he is unaware that i'm like 99-100% lesbian. That 1% uncertain-ally is due to the fact that my heart gets desperate at times and tries to trick me into having feeling for guys....which don't go past the thinking stage let me mind you. Went down that road this summer and followed my desperate heart and made out with my ex...yeah i'm definitely gay.
Woo anyways a little off course for a minute. Needless to say I like him as a friend and I hope to god he doesn't try to ruin it by making any moves. Because that will lead to an awkward road of losing yet another friend. Well were going to see Mission Impossible 4 in imax and i'm totally excited!!!! Then before that were eating at fog city! I hope this poor fellow has an open mind in seeing that 2 people of the opposite sex can indeed go out to dinner with each other without it being intimate.
Don't go back to nursey school till the 9th so I see a week long affair at the Childrens hospital, volunteering is in my future :). Oh! last week I trained in a new girl and showed her around and stuff. Well let me tell you! She was so pretty! Reminded me of Arizona from Grey's anatomy. Spitting image, no joke! Except younger, which is strange because I usually don't find girls younger than me attractive, it's usually those who are 20-28yrs I go for...ha ha ha. She's I believe 16-17, and i'm 18. But I do believe shes straight...story of my life, i'm going to grow old and alone due to me not being bold enough to ask a girl out. We'll see what 2012 brings me I suppose!
:O New years resolutions!!!!!!!!!
I should have made another blog contributing just to that! I'll have to see; but I know being less saucy is on that list :)
Well cheers for now!
xx
I've survived the transition over from 2011 to 2012, Wooooooooooooo!
Anyhow had a pretty good time, and I may as well start off a lil re-cap of the week.
Well friday I was suppose to have a party and no one showed...I won't take it to heart though,
Then On new years eve I hung out with my prom date Ryan. Had a pretty good time!! Despite!!!!!!!!!!! The fact that he is unaware that i'm like 99-100% lesbian. That 1% uncertain-ally is due to the fact that my heart gets desperate at times and tries to trick me into having feeling for guys....which don't go past the thinking stage let me mind you. Went down that road this summer and followed my desperate heart and made out with my ex...yeah i'm definitely gay.
Woo anyways a little off course for a minute. Needless to say I like him as a friend and I hope to god he doesn't try to ruin it by making any moves. Because that will lead to an awkward road of losing yet another friend. Well were going to see Mission Impossible 4 in imax and i'm totally excited!!!! Then before that were eating at fog city! I hope this poor fellow has an open mind in seeing that 2 people of the opposite sex can indeed go out to dinner with each other without it being intimate.
Don't go back to nursey school till the 9th so I see a week long affair at the Childrens hospital, volunteering is in my future :). Oh! last week I trained in a new girl and showed her around and stuff. Well let me tell you! She was so pretty! Reminded me of Arizona from Grey's anatomy. Spitting image, no joke! Except younger, which is strange because I usually don't find girls younger than me attractive, it's usually those who are 20-28yrs I go for...ha ha ha. She's I believe 16-17, and i'm 18. But I do believe shes straight...story of my life, i'm going to grow old and alone due to me not being bold enough to ask a girl out. We'll see what 2012 brings me I suppose!
:O New years resolutions!!!!!!!!!
I should have made another blog contributing just to that! I'll have to see; but I know being less saucy is on that list :)
Well cheers for now!
xx
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