Hey!
Well haven't bloggered in a while so here goes my rant I suppose.
Not a good day today. Had the eating disorder appt, and stuff. Even though I feel like i'm telling the truth whenever anybody mentions the reallll deep truth I freak out and put my guard up. Like today. Ok yes I know i'm starving myself, I'm purposely trying to hurt myself, trying to make myself so sick that my body can't fight anymore. Why Because I really don't want to be here. Now if I said that I'd just get more attention sent my way, and really I don't want the help. Do I contemplate suicide? Of course, how i'm going to. But I have no set plan, but I know if I ever got a chance I would take it.
And with nursing, I think deep down the only reason i'm in it is so I can learn tricks in the medical system. Like my bp I watch it carefully! If it ever went down I would find another plan, But i'm doing things so slowly that nobody will notice. Now I find everyone's on my case, Like i'm 5'7 1/2 and 128 lbs ok. Fat. If I want to friggin' starve myself who cares. There is 6 billion other people on this earth.
Well enough about not wanting to be here, because i'm still here. Here and scared.
Well nice ending today eh?
Bye folks! (or bye myself)
No comments:
Post a Comment