Last day of january! And january...has it ever been a crazy month! I got a gf, had a major tantrum ( like 5 mins ago) well and it's continuing into this very minute.. ( prepare for a ranting blog) Anddd I'm officially on medical leave for nursing. Fucking wonderful.
Shall i start with negative and end with positive? Sounds pretty good to me
Ok the leave for nursing I had to take it to save my pathetic ass from failing out of nursing school because i'm a dumb fuck. Like seriously i'm sure very god damn person in my class has some sort of problem but they didn't have to leave school for a year to "get better". Like who gives a god damn fuck if I want to starve myself, or harm myself. I'm broken and there is no point in trying to fix me. I know people were legit worried about me, but they don't have to be, I'm just your normal everyday fuck up who gets swept under the rug like everybody else. Like seriously who would want me caring for them? An unstable inexperienced youngster. Who will really want me back in the program...? Seriously
As for now? I have to find a place desperate enough to hire anybody, I'm sure a Bum would get priority over me because they are wiser and more stable minded. AHHHHH just a bad friggin moood.
I don't get why all these emotions have to come at me all at once. Like could you spread it out abit... I legit tried to make myself passout, but I didn't do it right. Going right back to how i'm not smart enough to be in nursing, because i couldn't find the right coronary arterys to block off blood flow to my brain. I'm going to sit my arse on my bed for abit and have nothing around me so I don't have the urge to stab myself with it. Like I wanna just start stabbing needles into my wrist for no god damn reason, and I want to smack my head off the wall a couple of times. Why? Beats me I'm upset? I also thought about taking the hard end of the dogs brush and just scraping myself with it or beating the top of my leg. Soo for the sake of my newfound relationship I won't.
As for my GF. She is amazing, pretty, beautiful, different, and gorgeous! She is absolutely the most amazing girl I have ever met :) I've only known her for a week or 2 and she's got me falling head over heels for her. I truly Really like her. Now i'm not going as far as to say I love her, because I obviously can't feel that strong of a connection to a person right away :) But I think that with the strength of each other we can get each other through the bad times :) I hope anyhow! I had to give her a break at the moment because we've had an intense conversation earlyier and I don't feel the need to overwhelm her with my feelings right now this early in the relationship :)
Well I think i've said what needed to be said :) For now anyhow!
Cheers :)
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