Hey
Well havin' one of those days again.
Went to the Family Doc and they said I definitely have diabetes and I do not have an ED. Way to confuse the hell outta me b'ys....I do I don't I do I don't.... Well anyways I'm down to 124lbs in about 3 weeks :) so I lost 4 lbs :).
Instead of feeling wonderful I feel like shit. Right now I feel like just punching the crap out of my stomach because I feel so fat. Like I feel that I look like i'm at least 180lbs. I could starve myself more than I have. But I'd rather have the cowards way out then die a slow death. Well either option at the moment is ok. I swear the day I gets my hand on a gun it's going right for my head. No thoughts about it. I could take drugs w/ drinks but I'm not smart enough to know which ones would react, plus we don't have very strong meds in the house, nor do I have access to any.
I should start calling this my suicide blog. Seeing that thats the main topic lately. I feel soo down, but I fight it...I'm fighting everyday, I work soo hard to try and find joy in my useless life. I feel like I'm trying to find an excuse for everything that is wrong with me... i come across as paranoid but really i'm just looking for one bad result to say that i'm not going to live..and then to refuse treatment...cowards way out.
Just like school, like seriously. Such a fuckin' dumbass to fail out....yeah yeah medical reasons....Thats an excuse. really...like i'm sure there are lots of people struggling with diseases or illnesses and they carry on. They don't quit because things got hard. I'm a quitter, useless piece of trash that everyone can walk over and kick around. One of these days that won't be the case anymore.
See ya, because i'll still be around.
No comments:
Post a Comment