February 18, 2012

Hey
So Cavelle's 19th party was yesterday :)
I really Did Not Want To Go. Because I knew that I would have a breakdown. And I did.
Start from the beginning I suppose. Hung out with Allie from 12:30-5 at the mall shopping and stuff, that was fine. Then me, her, Cavelle, and Julie went out to supper. That was good. Then me, allie, and julie got dropped off at my house to get ready..Still pretty decent. Until about 8:00, when julie left (to be with bf) But allie had a flippin breakdown because her bf wasn't going. So she laid down and called him to finally convince him to go. She did but it took forever. That was the start of a horrible night. Fasttt forward to limooo.
It was all good until someone threw a fit and threw a beer bottle and it smashed everywhere. Like everyone was pretty much drunk or stoned lol. But I was chillin' in the back with my gf so everything was best kind other then that incident. Then we went dt.
Well the majority of everyone went to Club V. One I wasn't paying 20 for cover, two...there was 3 bouncers and I was sure I would get I'd. So I left hoping to go to sirens. But allie ditched me and started talking to these random people. That wasn't a huge deal but when she cam over to me a few minutes later and was like " are you having a breakdown now? LOL" I lost it. I ditched her and walked to subway by myself, hoping maybe i'd get kidnapped or something along the way. But I got to subway, extremely upset. So I took out my finger pricker needle. And just started going at my hand with it, not making it noticeable, but I stopped because it started to bleed alittle more and then allie came in and I never wanted her to see what I did.
So it was friggin' obvious that I was upset but she didn't give a shit , her bf and some guy I just met tried to calm me down abit but it didn't work.
Then we all went to sirens from 1230ish to 230 in the morning. I made sure to let her know I was friggin pissed at her but the feeling wore off after I had one pornstar, one sour puss shot, 4 tequila shots, and then a redbull shot. Had the 4 tequila shots and redbull back to back from 2-230. Couldn't really be mad at anybody then. I felt completely numb, I got ditched by allie a few more times, walked with some random dude that prob wanted to take me home or something.
Anyways then I went home out of it. Interesting night. If only I had the bottle of advil, or I got beat up or jumped off Atlantic place or something, But I never.

Well no actual point to this blog as per say but to kinda remind myself what happened that night. And nor did I reveal all my feelings. Do I need too ?  I wish I fell asleep and never woke up, but here I am. I never ate going to bed in hopes I would go low in my sleep and never wake up. That didn't work either.
Well anyhow blogger world i'm out for now!
See ya soon!