February 25, 2012

Hey
Well well surprise surprise.
I am just so overcome with every emotion right now. I don't know what to think or feel.
I've been feeling like this a lot lately.
Maybe it's because I've allowed myself to care for another person. And that right there has opened myself up to all these emotions i'm not use to feeling. I hate to cry. Because no matter what anybody says, its a sign of weakness not a sign of being strong. And when i'm upset at everyone and everything, thats just confusing to everyone.
I over analyze everything. I over feel. I over react. I over care. I take everything to the wrong fucking extreme.
I'm just so tired. so emotionally tired.
I just wish people would let me give up.
I do not want to be here. This isn't fair.
Being controlled isn't fair.
I've brought this on myself and now I can't get out.
There's days when I just want to ruin everything I worked so hard to achieve.
I know that this, these feeling are clouding my pov about everything. And I wont know what i've got till it's gone.
I really just want to point out every flaw I have. But it's not going to do me any good. It's impossible to change everything. To make it "perfect".
Well guess what surprise again I have myself at the crying point again. I've never cried this much in my life...why is this happening. I just want everything to stop.
Bye