Hey
Well i'm in for a major explanation/update.
On Feb 6 at like 730 I tried to kill myself. Tried as in not succeeding....unfortunately. I have no regrets and i'll do it again but next time it will work...
Anyways!
Went to my psych who sent me to the waterford and there I stayed for 8 hours waiting!!!! I told them buggers thats I had an intention of harming myself and overdosing. I TOLD THEM! I maxed out my insulin so when i wanted to I could O.D. They were going to let me go apparently.
Until! I gave myself 25 units of insulin. ( I was on 4 units a day) So about 6 x my daily limit.....I was chatting it up with another patient and she told on me. Boy were they pissed....Well Then I got to take a ride to the wonderful st claires for a nice I.V set up of sugar.....I attempted to re-plug in my pump there buttttt my "babysitter" aka nurse seen what I did and confiscated my pump....Fun times I was there hooked up from 830pm-2am......and my sugars droppped. So then they gave me orange juice and i refused to drink it and then they gave me a sandwich and i refused to eat that so then i got head to head with another nurse and she threatened to restrain me and shove a feeding tube down my nose......Fun.. Can't remember any much else from that night....
Then I was admitted to the waterford short stay for apparently 5 days..or 4 I honestly don't know. From Feb 6 wed- Feb 11 monday. Where I continued to hurt myself daily....Finding metal and needles and hard plastic to cut with....Got several items 2-3 times each day...even though they were watching me....yeah...
I was put on constant watch twice and got into loads of sooky spells and I was sick for the majority of it and still am to the day!
Worst thing is, I'd do it again. But this time i'm taking 3 vials instead of 25 units...a vial has about 500 units each i'd say.....It will work. but not right now. things are to hot and i'm constantly watched... I wish I could feel differently but I don't...
I'm tired and I have so much hate and I love my girlfriend and i'd hate to hurt her....and I am ...everyday..it's not fair.
I wish last year didn't happen. And if it did I wish it worked out....It's the not knowing that is eating at me. For A full fucking year. I've tried everyday to forget ...every day. I'm crazy I know that , even stupid. I guess thats the way it is!
Ciao
-Mel
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