May 26, 2012

I'm so mad.
Why do people have to be so mean? I don't know mean isn't the word. Heartless, insensitive?
Not that I need people to be nice. I don't need that BUT! If your stepping in and out of my life and seeing me whenever it's conveindent to you and making broken promises then yeah I get a tad upset. Why? Because I never use to lie intentionally. If I made plans I stuck with them, If I promised you something I followed through, If I upset somebody I'd feel really bad. But it's like the sincerity of me is gone.  I make broken plans because you do, I "forget" things because you do, And If I upset someone I do feel bad ish But i'm starting to not fucking give a shit.
I'm a heartless person. I'm very manipulative and I use things to my advantage. I say I'd never harm I say i'm ok, I water down my feelings, I say i'll eat but guess what, No. I'm not, I'm slowly letting go I have been for a while and now it's becoming more pronouced. I have let go of my self control and i'm disgusting. I've gained so much weight, I can't eat healthy and I consider myself an anorexic? Pathetic. I'm regaining back my control. I'll do whatever I want, I'm done caring about how other people feel.
Little rant. It's funny it's so much easier to just not eat then it is to have little things. It's also weird how I can have my sugars high But if they go high without my doing I get upset and worried. Fucking weird.
I'm off to work yay.