May 8, 2012

Hey!!!
Half a day off :D whatttt!
LOL
Anyhow I dunno what to think of it all.
I'm legit right now thinking about every sort of "Help"... i'm getting and just like giving it up.
I'm off my insulin. since saturday at 4. The highest they went was prob gods know I checked it a few hours after I had a huge meal and it was 16.2. But I never wanted to poke myself again so I'm just like chilling, it'll drop on its own. Hey, it's either this or I go to the place I want to go and take a whole shit load of it. Fast and N easy. This way is a whole lot slower.
Last night I was soo skeptical about going out because I thought I looked huge. But this is the funny thing. I seen a pic of me and my friend back on and I thought that person looked small but when I seen my face to that picture my opinion changed. My mind is soo fucked up its not even  funny. I am fat I know that, I know people see that i'm fat but they know I have issues so they are obviously going to say i'm "small". It really pissed me off when my mom called me a twig. Not even the word but because she was a "twig" she was super small when she was my age. She was like 100lbs and my height. Thats not fair when she can be that and I can't. So therefore i'm not a god damn twig. theres 23 lbs in the difference there. But i'm working on it.
No insulin, high sugars and watching what I eat will cause me to lose weight.
But i'm addicted to chocolate and sugar. How am I anorexic if I can't stay away from that stuff. Anorexics have way better and stricter control then I do. I'm very lazy and my moods about everything changes all the time.
Well off to test my sugars. yay!
Ciao!