Ok So I care about you alot. Don't do anything stupid please. I'm trying so fucking hard to argue against my mind, to fight it, To seek help. Ok. You try too. I'm trying for you. I honestly fight to feel sometimes. Yes I laugh and joke around but like it's just becoming so natural in being fake that I don't notice anymore. Come on your only young. If your gonna give up then I'm not going to friggin let you go without a massive fight. If your words got to me and stopped me and made me seriously think over every action I make Then I'm going to make damn sure I make you realize the same. You know what seeking help isn't always the best option. I've told my psych how i've wanted to kill myself, how strongly I feel about it and today I sought help in my other team with my insulin issues and I told them That i'm fucking capable of O.D on it.Today, Now, tomorrow...Soon. And the response? When i feel this way I need to go to the E.R. No just No ok? I need help to re-allow myself to think of insulin in another way or something. I need help now before I get to that point again. Maybe I need to have a go at a suicide attempt just to get help. I'm not craving attention I just really need help that I don't find i'm getting. I don't know. Enough about me. I better not see another fucking cut on you. I'm serious. Find another alternative. Go outside. Smash things. Paint. I don't know keep yourself occupied. Talk to me. Text me if you don't want to talk. I really want to be there. I know it's silly to be there for someone else but not yourself but ya. I don't wanna lose you because if I do then like i'm gonna be right behind ya. I will let myself go. Ok so I love you ok! I'm trying so hard to be patient with you :) Your difficult and you know it !
Ok well thats pretty much all I have to say for tonight. I needed to let that out.
Night!
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