March 25, 2012

Hey
Well I suppose some sort of an update is in order :)
Not much has changed too much. I've felt better because in my mind i've started eating alot more. Whether that is the case or not, I'm kind of half afraid to analyze it. It's like theres a constant voice or something or my mind is giving me a few days break but saying it's not staying like this. You will watch what you eat. It's like i'm giving myself some responsibility but if I give myself too much space then it will step back in. I confuse myself half the time so I don't expect anyone or understand or try and figure out what my fucked up mind has in store for me. It's like yes i'm doing "better" but a part of me wants to go back feeling miserable so I can like punish myself. I really don't know why, because I hated feeling like that. But Like I said before I got 11 shifts now for the next month working. So I need to start eating more.
Everyday I feel like purging but I don't allow myself to. I know i'm strong willed and stubborn and I can beat this. But I get in these really really low moods and then my stubbornness uses itself for the worst, to feed the negativeness and it's near impossible to reason with me.
But on the positive side I'm tyring to eat and it's worked out for the past week or so :) Despite my high sugars.
Oh another thing! Strange and totally irrelevant but I woke up last night after hauling my pump out of my side. I actually ripped the thing out of me. Why? No flipping idea but it scared the crap out of the conscious me! I'm a dangerous sleeper :P
Well gonna go and do something with this day I suppose! Going to see the hunger games with my sister :) Hopefully it's a good movie because it's long LOL
I'm out!
Ciao!