March 31, 2012

Hey!
Ok for one my damn "h" key is being difficult. Noting worse than the H's not coming out. Prime example right there.
Anyways on to last night! Crazy crazy. Ok well as I said yesterday I seen the psych yesterday. Best kind I suppose, I found it very difficult to say and answer all er questions truthfully, quite frankly I just wanted to give her my blog address.
So when I came home I decided  I was going to drink the rest of my lambs! I drank most of it. Then my plan was to wait till everyone was gone and have another episode of my irrational acts of thinking. But I never. A friend grabbed me for the night to go to a house party.
On to that, that was just a whole pile of drama. I brought in drama...Drama just seems to like following me around. And once my friend got a few rum shots into me I was a wee impulsive in my speaking terms. Like katy brought up how I was un-happy and stuff.. one thing leads to another sort of thing. Anyways I was going on how I didn't want to live and said if I really wanted to die at this very second I could. Of course they asked how and I just picked up my pump and starting playing with the insulin input button and said that all I need to do is give myself like 30 units of insulin when my sugars drop and it would prob kill me. Well seeing that they couldn't possibly take my pump physically away from me One girl held onto it until I calmed down a bit. But then that just made me really frustrated and so i took my needle out...I don't know why I did it, but I just repeatably cut my thumb...again. They never saw obviously. Oh and I had my first puff of that weed stuff. Nothing exciting about it. Actually I did that because I'm so damn tired of people I know not letting me. Because i'm young and blah blah blah. So I did that out of pure fucking spite.
Like I'm sick of people saying how they are afraid to be around me or let me do things or fool around because they are afraid they'll hurt me. Afraid they'll break a bone or seriously hurt me? I don't get it. I'm not this fragile little girl. I'm like an average sized more to the heavy side of things. Like people who are skin and bones are fragile not me.
Anyways Like how people say i'm pretty and all this other stuff to me but yet I don't have a "Best friend" as per say or a girlfriend? Must be a reason. I'm easy? Boring? Ugly personality <-- I'm thinking it's that one. Annoying? Childish? Rude? Heartless? Negative? I don't know, and no body will tell me. I've straight out asked people and nope nothing.
I don't know, I'm not taken seriously. I find that people think I do the things I do for attention. One of these days. Oh my!
Well i'm off!
Ciao!